In class we were split up into groups and served different types of a certain food product. Our group was given potato chips. All different kinds from classic, baked, sea salted and less fat. We compared everything about the different types of chips, which ones were our personal favorites and why. The feeling, the physical appearance, the taste and the smell are all factors on why someone may like or dislike the chips. To complete this task i needed to learn how to compare and contrast different things and explain why i felt the way i did about the certain chip types. I thought this was a very fun experience and experiment because i honestly was more interested in others opinions other than mine. I thought the girls excuses on why they didn't like them was funny. " there too greasy" i think that means you like them they should just be less greasy.
I did struggle with the draft a little bit because i was afraid it was too boring. I wasn't sure if it would catch someones attention because all it was about was potato chips. The easiest part of this piece to me was putting in the slogans lays used to use and collaborate on them. The hardest to me was just trying to find things to talk about. its not the most interesting subject in the world and i wanted it to be attention grabbing. The technique i used the most was compare and contrast. That's what most of my essay is about. The changes that needed to be mad to mine recommended by my partner was that my intro was too short. attention grabbing but not long enough. I could put my first paragraph into my intro to make it longer because there talking about the same thing.
After rereading my essay i really enjoyed reading about other peoples opinions about the types of chips they liked and why. I also liked how i put the slogans used by lays dating back to the 1930's and how lays became as popular as they are today. My partner thought my paper was really good and the introduction was attention grabbing. She also thought i had a good main idea and it was interesting. The only thing she said was that my introduction was too short. She recommended that i should put my introduction and first paragraph together. I figured that was good advice because they talk about the same thing. What im going to revive in my essay is the introduction. I'm going to add on to the intro by combining it with the first paragraph and writing a completely new first paragraph. I'm going to include how lays became so popular back in the day and the changes they made to make there products better.
Hi Tim,
ReplyDeleteI love your honest voice here. Your reflective voice is both easy to understand and to read. Please check your capitalization. Often in here you say "i" without capitalizing it. In your first paragraph, I love how you quoted the girls by saying, "there too greasy." You spelled "there" wrong. Just to be clear you mean to say "they are" so you want to use "they're." "There" is a place like when you want to say "over there" or do you want to go "there." The trick I tell students to use is "here" and "there" go together and "here" is spelled inside the word "there." I hope this helps. A few times you say that you were really interested in "others opinions" and "others" is possessive so it needs an apostrophe and should be spelled "other's opinions." In your last paragraph you said, "What im going to revive..." I think you mean, "What I'm going to reviSE..." Capitalize "Lays" it is a brand name and a proper noun so it should be capitalized. There are others and if you need more help with them come see me. Clean up those pesky spelling errors before you submit this for a final grade.
Content-wise I like your reflections. I would like to see you cite your own draft a bit more and quote your first draft as evidence of why you are saying what you are saying.
Again, the draft is missing and I want to see it here. I love your reflections and I enjoyed reading about how you like the assignment.
Let me know if you have any quesitons. See you later today,
Basko